A ScreamFree Community

Letting Go

2009-08-13T19:32:00.000-07:00

Our schools started July 30th. It's way to early for me. We need at least 2 more weeks of summer but this time I wanted to delay starting for another reason. My third child, and my daughter, was starting the first grade. Last year she went to 1/2 day, 4 day kindergarten at our church. I also work at the church so I saw her constantly. This year: new school, all day, all new kids, knows no one in her class, etc... I have dreaded this day for at least a year. I almost thought about it every day while she was in Kindergarten. The first day did not go so well. "Please stay with me Mom. Do I have to go to school today? Can't I wait until tomorrow?" Our mornings were not so good either. She did not like anything. Her hair, her teacher, the day is too long, etc.. I struggled every day to remain screamfree. Calmly talking her through each issue and telling her I know how she feels. (I even let her ride the bus-gasp!) Day after day-and then she got sick. Yep, after 6 days of school. She missed 2 days and when she returned on Tuesday the teacher had to peel her off of me. I thought I would just lose it. Couldn't I just stay with her? Why did she need to go today? Why not tomorrow? All the way to the car I cried. And I prayed. I thought long and hard about letting go and how now it's her time to experience this world, make new friends, and learn so many exciting things. I can't stop that. The words of Hal kept ringing in my ears: "You are to be your child's tour guide through life." It's time to let go. She made it through the day and got a great note from the teacher. Today was our first day of her waking up and not telling me her stomach hurt. We went to school peacefully, walked to class and I walked away. After 14 years all my kids are in school all day, every day. My two older sons are in middle school. They are both out of the house by 6:20 a.m. It's my middle child's first year in middle school. He is doing great. I thought I would never get him out of bed in the morning. He jumps up, gets a shower, and is out the door. What a shock. Isn't this what we prepare them for? Letting go. It's not that easy.

By the way, Jenna is putting her arms out for our dog-not for me!

ScreamFree Birthday

2009-03-13T09:10:00.000-07:00

I was contacted recently by ScreamFree and asked to do a one hour presentation on Sunday night, March 8th (my birthday). I originally thought I didn't want to do it on my birthday but the more I thought about it I really wanted to do it. I was nervous about it being for youth parents. What do I know about youth (my oldest is 13) that I could contribute? I realized I could combine the two by eating dinner first at one of my favorite restaurants, Provino's (just one minute from the church). I was also excited about bringing David with me and getting his imput on my presentation. We had a very interesting night and the parents were excited about the message. When the youth minister divided the kids up I asked him to have the kids do an exercise: write down on a piece of paper this sentence-"I wish my parents..." then bring the responses back to me. When I told the parents what the kids had done the looks on their faces was pure shock! What had my kids said? Here are the responses:
I wish my parents...

-would understand that I worry about what kids worry about and not what adults worry about.

-would stay just he way they are.

-would stop making me go outside.

-wouldn't dance in public.

-weren't crazy about my grades.

-would lay off school work.

-didn't bug me about school. I can pass by myself.

-would believe in me with class work.

-were more understanding.

-let me do what I want.

-knew when I was in a bad mood.

-were less invasive.

-let me be.

-would understand me more.

-would be easier to talk to.

-acted like adults.

-would get off my case and stop yelling at me.

-give me more privacy.

-would not think I was yelling when I am not.

-would buy me a halfpipe in my backyard (I had to ask what that was-for skate boarding.)

-would not get irritated so easily.

-knew that I had sex and they would understand.

-would live forever.

I can't tell you how much this exercise has meant to me as a parent and a ScreamFree Facilitator. It has reminded me to walk side-by-side instead of toe-to-toe with my children.

Craig Elementary PTA

2009-03-05T17:56:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to do a one hour presentation of ScreamFree Parenting at Craig Elementary in Gwinnett County. It's funny because getting in front of people scares me to death! BUT when you are speaking about something you are passionate about, and believe in, it makes it a lot easier. It's really hard to compact a 5 -6 hour DVD series into one hour but we hit the highlights and everyone walked away with some good tips. We had about 40 people in attendance and everyone was so excited to hear about the ScreamFree principles. It was a pleasure to work with them. I hope I get to do many more PTA meetings!

I Haven't Screamed all Year!

2009-01-26T20:31:00.000-08:00

My two girls are in awe of this accomplishment so far. haha They have remarked to me several times this month that I have not "screamed" at them.

I started reading the book and what I have read has been so good and so practical.

After I first got the book, if I would get aggravated and fly off the handle at my girls, they would remind me of the book I had purchased. They were using it against me. But I'm glad they did. I believe every parent can benefit from reading this.

Joy, Texas

My Home is a Hotel

2009-01-22T06:45:00.000-08:00

Some time ago my in-laws redecorated their home and I noticed my son and husband carrying my father-in-laws old blue lazy boy chair through the woods (they live next door). As I stood there with my mouth open they carried it in the house and into my son's room. I could tell he was so proud of it. I immediately said: "Oh, no. That's going in our next garage sale." My son looked crushed and after I calmed down and thought about it and I realized it was just a blue chair and it is HIS room. The next day he came home from school, put on his robe, plopped down in his chair and said: "Ahhh...Jacob's hotel." I just smiled and walked away. You may be thinking at this point that a childs home should not be their hotel. Why not? A place to retreat after a long day at school and ball games, a place that is comfortable, a place to just relax. However, I do draw the line somewhere: there is no room service or maid at this hotel.

As he grows up and moves away, I hope he will always want to come home to his "hotel".

ScreamFree 2009

2009-01-06T14:18:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! We all know a new year brings new commitments and one of those usually always includes something about parenting. If you took our ScreamFree class, I'm sure you have said: "I'm going to get that book out and do better this year at not yelling at my kids!". Well, do it! Revisit the principles, determine this year that you will keep your integrity in place by not yelling at your kids. Let the consequences do the screaming! Don't forget for more information and great articles hit the link below!

On a personal note, I'm excited about upcoming opportunities to present ScreamFree Parenting. I will be speaking at Cafe' Mom (for our church preschool moms) and to my church preschool teachers. I'm looking forward to a great year helping parents calm their world...one relationship at a time.

ScreamFree-learning to relate with others in a a calm, cool, and connected way, taking hold of your own emotional responses no matter how anyone else chooses to behave; learning to focus on yourself and take care of yourself for the world's benefit.

http://www.screamfree.com/resources/article_entry.php?op=viewentry&entry_id=204

Living My Dream

2008-09-21T14:05:00.000-07:00

(Picture from training in April)

When I went back to ScreamFree Training on Friday Neil was going over your "Life's Intentions" list. What do you want to do if nothing stood in your way? What do you want to do if money were no object? What is something you want to do within your reach right now (lose weight, mend a relationship, have more "me" time, ect...)? What do you want to do that is pie-in-the-sky (start a business, fix congress-someone said that, travel, climb a mountain, etc...)? This is really a neat exercise because by the time it is over people already have a plan for their pie-in-the-sky dream and they realize it can happen more than they think. From my class in April, one person went back home and started a children's home!

Well, when they asked me to COME UP FRONT and speak to the group I thought I was going to pass out. I thought my first class was bad but this was talking in front of the group with HAL RUNKEL listening. I started out telling them that I am living what we were just talking about. Four years ago when I read the book I knew God was going to do something big, through me, with this program. I did not know what. I started with word of mouth to friends, then a class at my church, and I find myself standing in front of Hal telling about what we are doing on Wednesday night at my church. My dream is not just to be Screamfree at First Baptist but to help build a ScreamFree Community.

Last week I sent out 7 letters to area churches offering to come and do a weekend class at their church. Please pray for me that the pastors would read the letter (only 5% do read it) and that they would call me about booking a class. This is my dream and I know God is in this. This is the scripture Hal quoted on Friday about ScreamFree:

"Look at the nations and watch-and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told." Habakkuk 1: 5

If someone told me four years ago I would be standing in front of Hal sharing about my class I would not have believed it.

What is your dream?? GO AND DO!

ScreamFree at Disney

2008-09-20T14:12:00.000-07:00

So I'm currently on vacation at Disney World. (I'm not ignoring my family, fyi, they are napping.) I have to admit that I was a little skeptical about having a Scream Free Disney vacation. I mean, sure, being surrounded by 20,000 other people tends to quiet the screaming to behind clenched teeth, but can 2 kids, 4 days, and no naps really equal the happiest place on earth???

I've been applying the principles and yesterday went really well. (I don't want to talk about today because we stayed up way too late last night and had an early breakfast reservation this morning. Today has not been a good day, but I'm choosing to be an optimist!) The main thing I tried to remember is that this is their vacation too. How many times do we come with an agenda for what we want to do and what is best for our family? Without even asking them! I did schedule a couple of meals, but only 1 a day. Other than that, I've "planned" to not plan anything.

The kids, especially my 5 year old, have really responded to this. During nap time yesterday she really didn't want to sleep. So while Daddy and brother snoozed, she and I went to the pool. I knew this would have serious consequences going into the evening, but she and I discussed it and we agreed that she would have to stay awake during dinner and not complain that she was too tired to be a part of the group.

It was pretty tough for her and I knew she was exhausted, but she was a little trooper throughout the night. And let me tell you, that when it came time for today's "rest time", I only had to remind her of last night and she hopped right into bed! I am thinking this evening will be a lot of fun. Everybody is rested up, I've calmed my anxiety about needing a plan for dinner, and I can't wait to hear what everybody wants to do tonight. :)

~Jodi

Back to Training

2008-09-18T18:37:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago the training director of ScreamFree Living asked me to come back to facilitator training and speak about what I am doing with my class on Wednesday night. I was totally shocked and honored that they would ask me. So tomorrow I'm heading to Duluth to speak to a new group they are training and having lunch with Jenny Runkel and Brandi (from the April training group). I am so excited about this and can't wait to share. I'm also sad that my group only has 3 weeks left! I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store next for me! I'm ready to lead another class or do a weekend class.

Kerrie's Story

2008-08-28T18:15:00.000-07:00

After watching the DVD where Hal explained the situation with his son's broken arm, Kerrie had a similar sitution when she got home from church that very night.

Her daughter was running up the steps and hit the doorframe. In her words, "blood was everywhere" and the impact knocked a tooth out. However, Kerie said she was able to keep her calm in the midst of a storm. She said he husband was usually the one of keeps his cool and this time she was able to do the same! After all, what kids need most is our calm. Thanks for letting me post your story, Kerrie.

Hal On the Today Show

2008-08-23T10:48:00.000-07:00

Check out Hal this Wednesday, August 27th at 8:00a.m. on the Today Show. Hal has been appearing quite often on the Today Show. Set your DVR or Teevo!

Last night David and I went to Sugarloaf United Methodist Church for dinner and to hear Hal. I got a little time to talk to him before he spoke and also got some answers to some of the questions that I had. It was a good dinner and great date night with my hubbie.

Can It Get Any Better Than This?

2008-08-21T03:35:00.000-07:00

Last night in our ScreamFree class I heard a story from a parent that I will NEVER forget. When I started this class I thought I was doing something great to help parents calm their world and have better relationships with their kids. I really didn't realize it would have eternal significance. Of course I know parenting has eternal significance but this is different. One of our parents last night shared that Sunday she decided to calm her day down and enjoy some quality with her kids. Dad was spending time with their son and she was spending time with her daughter and they were all having a great day. Toward the end of the day, she decided to get the bible and have a devotion with her daughter and her daughter was SAVED! She said it would not have happened if she had not calmed things down in her home.

The Lord revealed something to me last night. When we calm our world down, we can let HIM in! We are more sensitive to what God wants for us that day. Maybe a neighbor needs a visit. Maybe a friend needs a call. Maybe your kids need you to STOP and take some time for them. I guess I knew that already but that story touched my so deeply. It was another confirmation for me that ScreamFree Parenting is literally changing the world one relationship at a time...starting with yours!

Hal Speaking Friday Night

2008-08-17T13:05:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! Hal is spreaking Friday night at Sugarloaf United Methodist for a parent's night out. The evening includes dinner, and a talk from Hal on the 5 Truths Every Parent Needs to Know. Let's try ro get everyone that we can from our class to attend. Fee childcare but you must register online. Have a great SCREAMFREE week!

Hooray, A Calm!

2008-08-14T09:54:00.000-07:00

I was so proud of myself today for the first time in a very long time! It was time for lunch and like I always do, I asked what my 2 1/2 almost 3 year old son wanted for lunch. Well, his choice was a bag of cheese puffs (his favorite snack). I just let him know, like I normally do, you have to eat something healthier for you for lunch and then if you finish that you can have some chips. Finally, long story short he finally said a ham and cheese sandwich. Great!

I made the sandwich and called him back in to the kitchen to eat, as he was walking in I noticed he was pouting. I ignored it and laid his sandwich on the table with his water and said "time to eat". He went back to the livingroom and laid on the floor and proceeded to pitch his fit. I went ahead and sat down and ate my lunch. Almost through my lunch, he came walking into the kitchen after many minutes of screaming and crying, wanting me to wipe his nose. I did and then I sat back down to finish my lunch. He had sat on the kitchen floor now to finish his crying session.

I let it go on for a few more minutes and then I just told him very simply "You have a choice to either not eat anything until supper or you can eat this sandwich that YOU asked for and get a bag of chips when you are done." Your choice, it really doesn't matter to mama. His next step was so easily taken, he got up and got straight in his chair and began eating ALL of his sandwich and in a good mood while doing it. Talking about flipping a switch!

Needless to say, I was not this CALM back in July while on vacation at my mom's and he did the same fit over supper one night. Let me remind you that this is only his 2nd HUGE fit like this and both were about food, although we have many little fits like everyone else. I am just praying that his terrible two's are not going to extend into three's!

I pray everyone else is have a GREAT and CALM week! (-:

Tiffany

What do You Think?

2008-08-10T12:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I'm at home this afternoon doing my ScreamFree workbook and I have a situation come up with my 5 year old. Her brother is napping and I am on my bed doing the homework for the week. She comes in, dressed in her pajamas, looking sleepy and saying "Mommy, will you rub my back?"

So I say yeah and ask her to climb into the bed with me. Then I say, "Ya know, it's probably a good idea for you to lay down and take a rest before the birthday party tonight". I follow that up with a confirmation to her that yes, I do want her to lay down for an hour, until it's time for us to go.

Well, needless to say, she talked and fiddled around with the dog. Not resting at all. So I reminded her twice to lay down and relax. The 2nd time I followed it up with a conseqence. I pointed out that I have asked her to do something and if she does not do it, she will not be getting in the water at the party tonight. (Circumstances are that she has to come with us, or I would have just left her at home.)

Sooooo...about 2 minutes later she gets up and leaves the room. At first I was upset because she continued to defy me and I called out to her to "get back in here". But seeing as I was doing my ScreamFree homework, I hesitated. And when she came back in I asked her what she was doing. "Going to watch TV", she replied. Then she asked for my help turning the channel, to which I said "No, I'm busy".

So then she says that she wants to make more lemonade. This is where I wasn't sure what to do. My first reaction was to say "No, I told you to come in here a lay down." But I don't think that's what Hal would do. (I need a bracelet that says, "WWHD?")

Instead I said, "The choice to make lemonade is yours. But do you remember what I asked you to do?" She pretended like she didn't know, so I reminded her again. (!) Then I said one more time that the choice was hers which she decided to do.

The only problem I had with that is that while I was saying it, I almost felt like I was tricking her for some reason. Does that make sense?

Oh, and I won't tell you what she decided. Only that I am sipping on a very yummy glass of lemonade at this very moment.

~Jodi

Recap of First Class

2008-08-07T06:05:00.000-07:00

A couple of years ago my friend Jodi and I would take our girls to ballet and watch the ScreamFree Parenting DVD's in her SUV. I can remember being so exicted that someone else felt the same way as I did about parenting. We would share about how we love our children so very much but we were not enjoying them and wanted to change that. We would talk a lot and I could not wait to get the word out to more people about how this book had changed my life. Last night that dream came true for me when I was able to share the ScreamFree Revolution in a class setting.We had about 25 people (I could be way off) last night in our first class. We had single parents, educators, frustrated parents, parents of one child and parents with many children. I was so nervous that I can hardly remember the class but it seemed everything went well! (thanks for the compliment Jodi!) Most people feel the same way: we want to be able to keep our cool with our kids. Some people had heard of the book before but most people had not. It will be exciting to see how things go the next 9 weeks. Everyone enjoyed Hal's Waffle House story!

First Class Tonight

2008-08-05T15:14:00.000-07:00

About four years ago I heard Hal Runkel on an interview on our local radio station, 104.7 The Fish talking about his book ScreamFree Parenting. I bought the book and read it on vacation. I knew right away that the Lord was going to use me to get the word out about this book. It was exactly what I felt parenting should be but did not know how to put my feelings into words. This book does that. In April I went to the home office (which happens to be in Duluth) for two days of facilitator certification. For me, it was an amazing two days and I learned a lot about me and how to facilitate a class. So, here I am, four years later starting my first class tonight. I'm also excited to have my husband Dave help me lead this class (when he's not at the fire department!). I'm glad we are able to do something together that will impact families for a life change in their home! I hope I will be able to lead many more classes at churches all over my community! Hopefully, this blog will help all my class members to share some good ideas and get support from fellow class members or whoever else wants to join in!

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a NEW thing."
Isaiah 43: 18, 19